"It doesn't matter." I kiss her on both cheeks, taking her hands in mine. "I love you, Nanna. Thank you for coming to my birthday dinner." I look over at Mum and Dad fondly. Almost everyone I really care about is here and I know that I am really lucky to have them rooting for me. Two more cocktails and I might even tell them.
"You are the best grandmother there is, you know," I tell Nanna Maria, before I go back to my seat. "Even if you do weirdly hate the idea of vouchers."
"I know," Nanna says. "But wait a moment, don't go! I do have a gift for you. Something very special."
Looking around, I peer under the table. I can't see anything present-shaped. Which, I realize with a sinking feeling, means that Nanna Maria's gift is something crazy and made-up, like a—
"It is a wish," Nanna Maria tells me very gravely. "I am gifting you a wish."
"Oh...good," I say. "Does it have an exchange policy?"
"Listen carefully." Nanna Maria sways in very close and speaks into my ear. "Ours is an ancient family with mystic powers built into our very DNA..."
"Yep." I scratch my ear, hoping the table next door is having too good a time to be listening in.
"Once every decade it is within our ancestral powers to gift a wish to those we love. It is an ancient and mighty magic passed down through the female line of our family since the dawn of time."
"Righto," I say, giving her a thumbs-up. "Excellent."
"My grandmother granted me such a wish, and I met your dear departed grandfather. And my mother bestowed her wish upon your mother." Nanna Maria narrows her eyes at my father.
"I'm not sure what she used it for, but she seems happy enough so far."
"Nanna, they have been married for thirty-one years," I remind her.
"Anyway, the wish has rules—very serious rules—and it is very important that you pay attention to them because any cock-ups and you are in big trouble. So, are you listening carefully?"
The sooner I let her get on with it the sooner I can go home and pass out in front of the TV, I reason.
"What are the rules, Nanna?" I ask her.
"Once bestowed, the wish must be made precisely at the stroke of midnight."
"So, in about forty-seven minutes, then?" I say, looking at my watch. "Siri, set an alarm for midnight!"
Nanna Maria nods approvingly.
"Use your wish wisely and thoughtfully, for you can be granted only one."
She darts another look at my dad, who is singing something by Harry Styles into Mum's ear.
"Once the wish is made it is one hundred percent irreversible, so do not get it wrong."
"Yay," I say, a bit lost for words. "Thanks for that, Nanna. Lovely. I'll treasure it."
"Are you clear on the rules, my child?" she asks me. "It is very important that you follow the rules."
"Yes, Nanna," I assure her, although I have already forgotten the rules as soon as I see the sparkler-laden dessert approaching.
Unfortunately, it's about forty minutes too early for me to wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole.
"Any chance you won't do your opera-singing harmonizing this year?" I beg.
"Of course not," Nanna Maria says, clearing her throat. "Why deprive all these fine people of my talents."
"I might just duck out now because I've left Rory at home on his own all evening and he'll be crossing all his legs..."
Nanna Maria leans forward and kisses me gently right in the center of my forehead.
"You will stay and you will listen to me sing," she says in exactly the same way a mafia boss might discuss sleeping with the fishes. The dessert is placed before me. I try not to look directly at it in case I go blind. "And you know I love your dog. He is always my employee of the month. But I do wish he wasn't the only man in your life."
"He loves you too," I say, as I try to stave off the singing one last time. "Is that it for the wish, then? No incantation or blood-letting or some sort of ritualistic interpretive dance?"
"My dear Genie," Nanna Maria says as she pats the back of my hand. "What greater magic is there than the gift of love?"
Singing ensues.
